Thinking of Doots

Lately I've been thinking a lot more about my Dad. Some times of the year are easier than others to handle. Right now its the 1 year anniversary of my surgery. It was a highly emotional time for me and it made me think a lot more about my dad, as he had the same surgery several years earlier.

This time last year I was still a stay at home mom, recovering from PPD, grieving like crazy, and battling a lot of really difficult physical illnesses. It was awful. It was hard to get through the day sometimes. I cried all the time.

There was a song that came out last year by James Blunt and it was about him losing his girlfriend. I cry like a baby every time I hear it because I imagine my mom saying this to my dad.

I've adapted it for my own purposes. Again, sorry James for ripping and modifying this. All in the name of healing I guess.

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Goodbye my Father

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
I knew I'd see your end, but before I'd begun?
For so long we were blinded, and nobody won.

I took what's mine by eternal right.
You took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am still here for you, please send your care.

You formed my heart you formed my soul
You made my life, shaped all my goals.
Loving you was blind, and I knew then,
My heart was blinded by you.

Goodbye my father.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
I know it's Abby's dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've even watched you sleeping for a while.
You were my father, I'm your child.
I spent my lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts, we were never fine,
But I love you, I swear that's true.
I don't think I can live without you.

Goodbye my father,
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, daddy, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.