Things I hate...

The third anniversary of my dad's death has come and gone. And my anxiety is worse than ever. I don't know if its related, but its possible. For most of last week, just as I tried to drift off to sleep, I awoke with a jolt and a big fat panic attack that took hours to resolve. And on those nights that I didn't have a scary attack, I was just too keyed up, my heart was racing too fast, my thoughts racing, and I just couldn't settle down. The fact that one or both of my kids get up at 5:00 am most mornings doesn't help when you can't get to sleep until well after midnight, or later. There's no such thing as sleeping in anymore.

Having a baby and a 3 year old is tough enough, however, without much sleep its impossible. I'd hoped that this year I'd be able to have Abby home with me some days, but I just don't know how I can do it, safely without sleep. I hate that my anxiety and depression has robbed me of my mat leave with her, and now it's robbing me of some time that I thought I'd be able to have with her, to get some of that "mommy time" back that I couldn't give her back then because I was too sick.

I hate that I have to rely on C so much just to cope these days. Lord knows he's got enough on his plate lately, training for a new job and an improved income so we don't go into debt with 2 kids in daycare next year. Lord also knows he's already had to go the extra mile a million times already since we've been married, due to my anxiety and depression. I hate that this is so hard on him.

I hate taking drugs to sleep, but that's what I've had to do for weeks now. I hate that my dad also had this issue, and he's now dead, and that leaves me to wonder if his fate (dead of a heart attack at 62) will also be mine. He had depression and anxiety, so do I. We both struggled to get enough restful sleep in order to function. I have been struggling for years on this, and I don't know what to do. I've taken every antidepressant known to mankind and found either they made me so dehydrated I couldn't get comfortable in bed (dry mouth, had to pee all night) or they gave me insomnia, which is the stupid problem I'm trying to fix in the first place.

At least now I realize I don't really have an insomnia problem, but really an anxiety problem. When the anxiety is not tearing me apart, I sleep quite well. But for most of my life, most days, have been a battle against the monster anxiety.

I hate that.

Building a Mystery

This road I've chosen - marriage, home ownership, motherhood (of two!) is a struggle. I never realized how much harder it would be to go from one to two, but its really hard. Of course this reminds me of the fact that I never realized how hard it was to even have one.. but now I've got two. But I digress...

Last week was a hard one. Abby had a doctors and a dentist appointment in the same week. This meant that her little routine was messed up. She had to go late to preschool on Tuesday and miss it completley on Thursday. As a result, she acted out a LOT that week. On Thursday, I was so distracted by Abby's inappropriate behaviour (she was on a time out) and a crying baby that during dinner preparation, I grabbed a hot pan handle and wound up with excruciating 2nd degree burns all over my right hand. It hurt so bad and I yelled so loud I traumatized Abby. She started bawling. I wound up in the E.R. with an outrageously high blood pressure, and had to be shot up with morphine and a tetanus shot, as well as taking percocet/acetominophen, ibuprofen and of course, gravol to keep my guts intact after all the narcotics. Didnt stop me from wharfing out the car door on the way home though. It was good high though!

So.. you might ask.. what's with the title for this blog post? Tonight I'm forced to take a break from housework on account of my bummed hand. Instead I'm going through old CDs and transferring my favourite songs to my MP3 player. I'm on Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" - an old favourite.

Listening to songs I long forgot about is one of the very few ways I can hang onto a grasp of my "adult self" - the person that I used to be prior to having kids - throughout the day, especially when I"m here alone, or when I'm going for a walk with Xavier. It helps to drown out his screaming when he's settling down for a nap (he's one of those babies that disdains soothers, and cries himself to sleep almost EVERY time).

Around 1996 or so I saw Sarah in concert. It was an AMAZING night. During that time I was dating a guy in Montreal - a guy I eventually moved in with for 1998-2000. A relationship that I thought was going places, but it ended extremely badly. But during that time I got to do a LOT of stuff and got to know Montreal REALLY well. Its a fun city to live in thats for sure, but I felt it was never the kind of place to settle down in and raise kids, which was my ultimate goal.

During that time in my life I was so carefree, I had it sooo easy but I didnt realize it. I guess the fact that I didnt have a job or any kind of income might have clouded the fact that it was pretty easy living. Easy mostly, except for dealing with the guy that I was dating. I thought we were good friends and our relationship would stand the test of time, but it didn't. I dont know where or when it all went sour, or what exactly happened, but I went from an angel on a pedestal to the spawn of Satan in four short years. I was the same person, same values, same hopes and dreams. How it all came unravelled so quickly I dont know.

Why am I romanticizing the past - especially a ROTTEN time in my past - when now I finally have everything I've always wanted - a home, a husband who loves me, two great kids who also love me, and a good job that pays well? Does this mean I dont love my husband or my kids? Does this mean I made a mistake with my life? Sometimes I am so tired and so wrung out by this motherhood gig that I think I have made a BIG mistake. Its SOO much work to raise two kids and keep a house in semi-order. After putting the kids to bed, tidying up a bit and taking some "me" time there's little time for each other. And I"m not even a neatnik - I"m just after a house that's not overrun with dust and mould and dirt and rotting food. Some serious disarray and crayon marks on the walls are acceptable.

Why did I do this? I could be jetting off to Europe any time I like.. doing whatever I please. I could spend lazy Saturdays and Sundays in bed. But I can't. And I have no idea when I will be able to do that again, if ever. Why did I do this to myself?

I thought that I"d be less lonely with a family. But lately it feels like I'm MORE lonely. The evenings are filled with my husband and I each taking a child for the evening (its hard when the kids are at two very different stages). Yes there's company when I take my 3 year old to the park at night, but its not an adult conversation. There's no understanding, no comraderie (how do you spell that) and it's still being "on duty".

I hope there's more love and company in this life that I've chosen. I hope that the best is yet to come. Everyone tells me that this gets better, gets easier. I hope so. Right now its very very hard. It just feels like drudgery and I dont get a lot of fun.

Maybe there IS love here and I can't see it? I guess I've spent so many years chasing love, wanting love, hoping to find love that I have a hard time recognizing it. Even my husband tells me that I only listen to the bad stuff, and I have a hard time listening to the good stuff, the compliments, the kudos, the kisses.

I should listen to him more about stuff like that. Maybe its my clouded ears and my jaded attitude that's the problem, and not my life.

So every day, I guess I *am* building a mystery. Every day I get up at 5:30 am (give or take an hour) and get the baby, feed the baby, dress the baby, get breakfast on the table, help get Abby and Clancy out the door. All day long I dress the baby, feed the baby, burp the baby, take the baby for a walk, try to get the baby to nap, cook food, do a bit of housecleaning, pick up Abby, prepare dinner, pick a child, complete evening routine, prepare formula, arrange dishes, run a load of laundry, spend a bit of time on the computer and crash at 10pm (lather.. rinse.. repeat...).

I have no idea what our life will be like in 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years. I dont know who my kids will become, what they will want to do, what their likes and dislikes will be. I don't even really have much of an insight into my baby son's personality yet.

I dont know when I'll be able to return to having some of my interests returned into my life. I dont know when I'll feel less guilty taking time for myself, I have NO idea when I'll be confident enough to stay home with 2 kids alone for any length of time...

But right now, every day I work.. HARD. I guess I'm building.. but I don't know what I am building. I'm building my own mystery, a day at a time.

I hope this mystery has a good ending.

"Wishing You Were Here"

Is the name of the song I've been listening to for the past few hours. My hubby left me with his MP3 player today to help mask the sounds of the baby crying when he hits "critical mass". It really helped. I've been a Chicago addict all day. Poor babe though choked on his spit and blew snot out of his nose he was crying so hard at one point today.. I had to put him down for 5 minutes and he got so upset.. but I swear I was going to freak out so I had to put him down. Sorry Xavier. I"m sure you wont be scarred by this when you're 16. I might be, however.

Today has been a big ball of emotions. I had a serious panic attack last night at 1opm and couldn't fall asleep until 1:30 am. I even had the "Night off" and yet I couldn't sleep. I hate this, I feel like such a useless tool, but I had to admit last night that I have an anxiety problem and I need help. The weight of my new responsibilities as a parent of 2 is weighing me down.

My anxiety is causing me to avoid doing things that I know I should, like even trying to sleep. Here it is 10:20, I should have been in bed hours ago, but I'm avoiding it. Just sitting here at the computer, typing away, listening to old Chicago tunes.

"And I'd like to change my life and you know I would, just to be with you tonight baby if I could, but I've got my job to do, and I do it well.. so I guess that's how it is"...

This line from Wishing You Were Here really hits home - how I'd love to spend a night in my husband's arms, relaxing, doing the things that we used to do before we got married, or just taking a drive by myself for a few hours, playing soccer with my friends, going on a trip, ANYTHING but another day of drudgery with a baby. Don't get me wrong, I love my son. I love my daughter. I love my house. I did want a family. But I'm feeling so isolated, so housebound, so tied down, so FUCKING TIRED.... so bored of the monotony.. another breastfeed/supplement, another burp session, another diaper, another load of laundry... "lather, rinse, repeat" (thanks Ange for that line!) . The grief from the loss of one's freedom is so devastating, for those of you who don't have kids, its the equivalent to a death it hits you that hard. Yes, as parents we DO love our kids and we DO love our families but this is so hard to deal with. Also the massive changes in lifestyle for the mat leave year are also hard do cope with. Good thing I've been through this before and I know how hard it is. This time at least I"m not seriously incapacitated by depression. Some moderate to strong anxiety, yes. Extreme fatigue due to insomnia and other disturbances, yes. Depressed, not so much.

One thing that's tough is that I'm an extrovert and get all charged up and energized being with people, and I'm home all day with someone who doesn't even know how hold his head up yet, let alone speak a word. The isolation on Mat Leave gives me too much time to think. What is running through my mind is that its just so complicated and so intense to have a new baby, AND a three year old to deal with. I didn't realize we had it so good with only one child. I am so scared that we have completely lost all our "alone" time forever and ever.. Dammit its so easy to lose perspective when you're this tired and this scared and this overwhelmed. I dont konw what I've lost and what I've gained. I dont know if I'm coming or going.

One song on this collection that brings tears to my eyes is the song Hard Habit to Break. A kind of wistful song to begin with, but it really brings me back to 1985, I was 15 years old, I was so happy with my friends and my soccer playing and everything that year. It really was the perfect year.

I never thought that my life would get more complicated when I left home. God back then I never thought I'd LEAVE home. I thought that I'd probably live with my mom and dad and brother in Brockville forever. I never thought that things would change so much. I never thought these changes would be so difficult.

One thing that is also on my mind is the similarity between my last postpartum year experience and this one. The same time of year, the same hospital, the same recovery room, even my kids look similar at birth/early months. The same sick, excruciating feelings in your bones, joints and organs as you struggle to recover from pregnancy and childbirth, the same groin and bladder and back pains to suck up and cope with, the same shooting pains from my nipples as I try to breastfeed (with problems) yet again, the same back and neck strain from lifting a 13 lb baby a zillion times per day.

I'm also starting to think about losing my Dad a lot. So many triggers, no wonder all of this is coming back to me so strongly. Frankly I"m surprised at the intensity of the pain.

Wishing You Were Here indeed.

I definitely will need a LOT of support come November.

Dad, I miss you like crazy today. I came to accept you not being here for awhile, and to even accept that you not being here actually freed us from the craziness that you put us through. That we were actually free from your depression, from your addiction, your crazy and over-the-top dramatic/abusive behaviour. I was ok with that for the past year or so. I was even getting a bit calloused agains the pain the past few months of my pregnancy. But now that you have another grandchild on this planet that you will never see grow up, that you won't ever be around to give me a few words of encouragement (when you could that is), I am starting to miss you again. I miss those "good times" - when times were good for us, they were REALLY good. And I miss that, to the very core of my being. I feel so lost without you some days, its not funny. I wish you could send me a sign that you're still around, that you see me sitting here crying over you, that you could be right beside me and LET ME KNOW from the next dimension that everything will be ok. But you can't.

I miss you Daddy. I need a hug and for you to tell me everything's going ot be ok. For some reason, whenever you said that, whether you meant it or not, I felt better about everything. And you'll never be here again to tell me that.

What am I going to do now? PLEASE COME BACK DADDY I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU.

How do I ever get over you? How do I ever get used to this? Its been 3 years and I'm still levelled to my knees every so often when I realize that you're gone.

Forever.

You're a Hard Habit to Break.

Mother of two.. and losing perspective

He's here. Xavier James is here. He's a month old on Friday even. After the fastest birth on record (well ok i'm sure there were faster, but this was fast) and a whirwind first month, and a fairly good postpartum recovery, he's here.

And I'm now a mom of two. Holy *&(&.

Xavier is in the middle of the dreaded "first three month gassies" and its horrible. I swear he didnt sleep from 10pm last night until 2pm this afternoon. He fussed, cried, whined, burped, farted, pooped, etc.

I spent all of dinner time tonight either crying to myself or feeling sick to my stomach knowing my mom was leaving for home today.. for who knows how long. I know she could come right back in an emergency and that's good, but part of me wants to see if I can pull this off, another part of me wants my mom to move in permanently, and yet another part of me wants to run screaming from this family I helped create and never come back....

I'm so nervous about this whole motherhood thing all of a sudden. The whole time I was pregnant with Xavier I never realized how nerve wracking being a mom of two would be. Its so overwhelming I literally feel my heart in my throat right now.

I lost perspective today among the gassy whines, the spit ups, the pinched nipples (breastfeeding is still hit and miss) and wondered why I wanted another child. It was so clear to me last year that this was what I wanted, and part of me IS happy that he's here, but its so easy to forget that babies WILL turn into fun loving two and three year olds down the road.

It took a naked run through the dining room from Abby around 6:30 pm to remind me why I wanted Xavier in my life. Kids are good people, and they make parents even better people.

It would all be so much easier though if I could get some more sleep.

The random pee pee episodes

My daughter is amazing. Really. She wants to be so grown up its not funny.

However, she's doing some funny things related to going pee. I dont know if she' s fully in control of her bladder or for some reason, the bladder monster takes over.

Often she feels the urge, runs for the toilet, and just doesnt make it. We've had more pee on the landing, the bathroom doorway and right in front of the toilet than we can count. Yesterday she busted a bladder while trying to pull her pants down and get on the toilet. She cried, took her pee pee pants off, and put them in the laundry, and got another pair of shorts. She went commando after that (of course, she usually has no use for underwear these days).

Not 30 minutes later the same thing happened, except, she KNEW she was going to not make it, and she asked "daddy can I pee on the floor right here" (carpet outside the bathroom door). Daddy said "no go on the toilet!" (of course) and she didnt even try to make it. She pulled one shorts leg over, and let the pee fly right out of one side of her shorts. Grr.. another session of wiping and dabbing.

After going to bed, she woke up and ran downstairs pants-less, saying something about a full diaper and that it was hurting. My brother was babysitting so he got her another overnight pullup and put her back to bed.

This morning another pants-less episode. She got up, took off her pull up, put it in the garbage, proceeds to sit on the couch and pee. Then went up and got another pull up and when we woke up we found a huge pee stain on the couch and a kid in a dry pull up.

I'm so confused. Does she have a bladder control problem? Is it just a phase? Maybe a bladder infection? Who knows.

I'm getting a bit tired of stepping or sitting in pee puddles and trying to track down used pull ups.

housebound with itchy eyes and coughing...

Ugh, now that i'm home all the time I'm focussing big time on all the things in my house that bug me.

We've had the a/c on for 2 days and all of us are feeling a bit off. Abby was coughing badly and had green "eye cheese" in her little eyes the past 2 mornings. I seriously have itchy eyes right now. And hubby woke up feeling crappy.

I wish I knew where the cooling coils and all the other parts were that needed cleaning. I wish I could do it myself. Our a/c unit is a billion years old (probably needs to be in a museum) and I dont want to put any more $$ in it, even to clean it, but a new unit will run about $3500. Unless we can split that over 30 months (payments) then we definitely can't afford it.

I was going to wait until the fall or later for us to get a new one, as I really wanted a new diswasher too. But this may be a higher priority if the air quality in our house is making us sick... let alone the cost to run that puppy!!!

Funny Abby-isms

I have a hilarious kid. Point blank, I think she's the funniest kid on the planet. Of course all other parents think their kids are the funniest, but ok, we're all biased!

Abby has an amazing capacity for language and communications for an almost 3 year old. She's been able to speak in clear words since about six months old, when she had a vocabulary of about 6 words. Now she can say things in the clearest, most unbelievable way, and she's not even 3!

Unfortunately she's also entering the dreaded "potty humour" stage. Ugh. Everything is poopy, stinky, peepee, etc. Its hard to keep it in check. Its really hard not to laugh.

Last week she was calling people "stinky". I told her it wasn't nice to say that people are stinky. She looked up at me wtih innocent eyes and said "but mommy, your toots are stinky".

Well... yes, yes they are.

How can you argue with that direct logic?

***********

Other recent Abby-isms, so I dont forget them:

- The word "spaghetti" has officially changed in Abby-speak from "gobbely" to "pasgetti"
- Vanilla is currently being pronounced as "malilla"
- Daddy has a volcano for a belly button, while Mommy has a "flatty". Abby thinks that the baby is going to be born through mommy's belly button.
- Abby's getting excited about being a big sister. She can't wait to change the baby's diaper and then "give him a time out" (ha! I laughed so hard at that one!)
- Abby occasionally pretends she has a baby in her belly too. If its a girl its name is Lindsay. If its a boy its name is Christopher.
- Abby officially is addicted to yogurt. Mallila (vanilla) is her hands down favourite. If there's no "malilla" then strawberry or blueberry will do.

back at the blogging

I'm officially work-free for 13 months. Well office work that is. I'll soon be a mom of TWO kids and I'm sure it will be the hardest work I've ever done. I'm very nervous about the workload, especially under extreme sleep deprivation circumstances!

I'm hating being pregnant again. I know this is the LAST time I'll ever be pregnant, and I should be enjoying it, but I hate it. I have a condition known as "symphysis pubis dysfunction" basically what that means is the hormone "relaxin" that's in my system that makes it easier for my bones to come apart to give birth, is making my pelvic bones stretch apart a little too much. The tendons between the bones are all inflamed and I'm in excruciating pain. I feel like someone kicked me right in the crotch and just above my butt crack. I can't walk very well, I cant get up out of a car, out of bed without wishing someone would just kill me. The pain is so bad. The only place I'm pain free is sitting in a comfy chair (look out when I get up though!) and laying on my side, curled up in bed.

My belly is also just big enough that even standing at the cupboard to try and prepare some food is difficult. Frankly, I can barely reach the cupboard without hunching over, and that starts to hurt about 30 seconds after I start doing something. I pretty much have to use my arms to hold up a lot of my upper body weight.

Funny though, I've not put on as much weight as the last pregnancy, but I feel just the same. I thought that keeping my weight down this time would help, but no.

I really hate being pregnant. I can't do much. I miss doing the things that I like to do. I miss playing in the park, I miss running, I miss biking, I miss being able to cook something without feeling like my back is about to explode. I miss having a clean house - my hubby is doing a hero's job of trying to take care of everything, but with one child in the house and mom mostly out of commission its more than he can handle. I wish we could afford the maids again, but we had to dump them on account of lack of money.

I mostly hate the fact that I will be trapped in this huge body for most of the summer. Summers are so precious in Canada, they are so short and our winters are so long. I hate the fact that I"ll be heading back to work when everyone else is heading off on vacation. But you can't plan these important things in life. You get what you get when you get it.

Anyhow I hope next summer and the one after are a lot easier.

Ok.. finally back!!

My computer seems to be feeling a lot better, and so am I. These past few months have been incredibly difficult - lack of sleep and a lot of viruses.
I"m down to 8 weeks left to go before I have my second child, and I wish I could say I was totally at peace with it. But I'm not.

My stupid "symphysis pubis dysfunction" has also been back for the past few months. Who needs groin muscles? Apparently I dont. Or maybe I just need to feel them in EXCRUCIATING detail for months at a time so I dont forget I have groin muscles.

I had such a difficult birth with my last baby, traumatic birth, postpartum depression, hemmorrhage, inadequate pain relief, I'm petrified this time around. I dont know what I can do to help this fear. I"m talking to people - hiring a doula, meeting with my postpartum depression counsellor. Its helping, but its still scaring me to death.

I'm also starting to worry about money. Who has $2000 per month to spend on daycare? I dont. I hope we dont go into too much debt, or if we do, that it doesn't destroy our family.

i'm a blog delinquent...

Cant post on here much anymore - blogs blocked at work, virus attacked computer at home. Sorry folks.

I'm still alive, still pregnant, still here.

I'm finally sleeping....

But I'm sick again. And my wonderful child wakes me up at 5:30 am by kicking in my door and yelling "LETS PLAY PUZZLES MOMMY!!!"

GACK!!!!!!

This whole working motherhood while pregnant and sick routine is getting impossible. I give up. I'm still on antibiotics from my last cold gone awry... and I've got a new one!!!!!!!!!!!

Sleep has not been my friend lately...

A difficult month. A difficult winter in fact. My daughter has had one cold after another, getting sick of waking up in the middle of the night to tend to her crying, coughing, feverish colds. I guess that's what you get when you move her to a formal preschool with tons of new kids, and new germs.

I"m now officially 20 weeks pregnant. Just found out this week we're having a BOY. I"m not so sure how I feel about that. Definitely more work in the wardrobe department. I"ll have to let go of all those cute girly outfits that fit babies and young toddlers. Too bad - so much $ invested in boots, coats, snowsuits, dresses, hats, etc. I hope I can get something for it at the consignment shop.

Just got back from a business trip to Tokyo. Yes, Tokyo! Was interesting, but I'm still a tad jetlagged. I still tend to get more awake as the evening wears on, and my midnight I am really hungry (lunch in Japan!). I got SO sick just before the trip and by the time I got there, and especially on the way home (lovely 12 and 14 hour flights!!!!!) I had a bad strep infection. I even had "hemmorragic conjunctivitis" on the way home. Gross.

It was a scary trip but I forced myself to "feel the fear and do it anyway". I get so wrapped up in fear of disaster, fears of accidents, and fear of whatever, that I figured, what the hell, let's go to Japan while pregnant. Who cares if we can't read any ingredients on whatever you're eating, who cares if everything the restaurants are serving up look like toxic blowfish eyeballs? Who cares if you can't read the can contents and accidentally quaff down a vodka-and-grapefruit juice while pregnant?? (this did happen.. unfortunately. On the up side, I only had half a can before I realized what I was drinking...)

My Asian illnesses all stemmed from a bout with the "Coxsackie" virus that blew through our house the past few weeks. Abby was sick for about 2 weeks with it, me - one week. H hubby was down with it on Monday-Tuesday. He was in rough shape.

Am hopeful I"ll start to sleep again soon, but so much on my mind. The impending birth, incorporating the fact that I"ll have TWO children, and one of them a boy.. is just spinning my head. I feel overwhelmed now, why did I think this was such a good idea? I just hope I can get more sleep soon. I can pull off this whole working motherhood thing if I coudl just manage to get more sleep. Damn pregnancy hormones.

At least so far our Son looks healthy. This pregnancy is a bit unnerving as I have a "anterior placenta" which means even if he decides to audition for a part in "Stomp" I cant' feel much kicking. I can feel some squirming, and the odd tap on my hip bones, but he's so well padded in the front, I cant feel much at all. At least I saw him on ultrasound last wednesday and he looked great. A bit more laid back than our high-energy daughter, which would be welcome news.

Today was a tough day in the motherhood front. Are all two and a half year olds such jerks? My daughter is SO cute but lately she's been so difficult. I swear she's skipped childhood and turned right into a sassy, smart assed 16 year old.

Wish me luck in the sleep department this week. I"m going to need it.

At least I have no more international trips. I'm almost too big to fit into an airplane washroom.

my child is hilarious

Two emails from my hubby that I received last week when I was away on a business trip:

Wednesday January 30

The Bubbs was standing in front of the mirror today jumping up and down singing (screaming more like it)...

Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells
All da WAYYYYYYY!

Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella
Cinderella
All da WAYYYYYYY!

If it wasn't so funny, it would have scared me.


Thursday, January 31

She did something else that was funny today. She saw me pour soy milk from my glass into my oatmeal this morning at breakfast. So she grabbed her glass and poured it in her oatmeal, only her glass had apple juice. She took a spoonful and, thinking she would say "I like that!" she surprised me she by saying "dat strange". Funny kid.

a lot of snow, and some surreal moments

For those of you in Ottawa, you're well aware that this winter we've received an insane amount of snow. I dont remember ever seeing this much snow before. It's been coming down pretty steady since early November, and personally I'm getting sick of it.

I saw two things yesterday that confimred that I'm probably not the only one who's sick of the snow.

Coming back from doing errands on my lunch hour, I saw two sidewalk plows (which I affectionately call "dinky plows") drag racing. One was on the sidewalk, the other one was on the road. The drivers were staring at each other with maniacal grins. I hope there were no pedestrians in the way as they were definitely not looking where they were going.

About 2 minutes later, I saw a big plow STUCK in a snowbank. Probably a snowbank that it had just made. The wheels were spinning and the plow was up but there was no way that plow was going anywhere. I bet the driver of that plow is sick of the snow!

Too funny.

Ever the optimist

My daughter cracks me up. Last night she was paddling through the kitchen wearing some cute jeans, a cute top, and ONE sock on.

I said to her "Hey! What's going on? You've got one sock off!"

She replies: "But I have one sock ON!"

Ever the optimist. I guess I have some things to learn from her.

Where have I been?

In case anyone out there is still reading this blog, and wondering where the heck I've been.. well I've been sleeping. A lot.

Why?

Because I'm finally pregnant!

Baby #2 due in July!!

Last pregnancy was fraught with so much stress and difficulty. The postpartum period was even worse. We'll keep our fingers crossed that this one will be less difficult.

We had our first scan on Monday December 31. All was well. Baby was laid back, resting. Flipped around a bit, but not nearly as active as my daughter during BOTH her ultrasounds. I hope this is a sign of things to come. Abby is a VERY active and intense child. I hope the little one is more laid back and takes things as they come.