Ok.. finally back!!

My computer seems to be feeling a lot better, and so am I. These past few months have been incredibly difficult - lack of sleep and a lot of viruses.
I"m down to 8 weeks left to go before I have my second child, and I wish I could say I was totally at peace with it. But I'm not.

My stupid "symphysis pubis dysfunction" has also been back for the past few months. Who needs groin muscles? Apparently I dont. Or maybe I just need to feel them in EXCRUCIATING detail for months at a time so I dont forget I have groin muscles.

I had such a difficult birth with my last baby, traumatic birth, postpartum depression, hemmorrhage, inadequate pain relief, I'm petrified this time around. I dont know what I can do to help this fear. I"m talking to people - hiring a doula, meeting with my postpartum depression counsellor. Its helping, but its still scaring me to death.

I'm also starting to worry about money. Who has $2000 per month to spend on daycare? I dont. I hope we dont go into too much debt, or if we do, that it doesn't destroy our family.