Cycle #3 come and gone.. and no baby. Caught me by surprise - 3 days early. Was not a fun experience. Was at the home of my in-laws and just as we're leaving for church, AF shows up. I was emotionally raw already, and then arrived at Church - the same place we went to church as kids. I spent a bit of time looking over at the pew (front right, 3 or 4 from the front) where my family used to sit.. strong emotions.
The second or third song they played was "Here I am Lord" - which was one of my dad's faves, I can still hear his voice when that song is played. It was also the entrance hymn to my dad's funeral. Walking into the church behind my dad's coffin, stunned, shocked, not even feelign my own legs, feeling like I was floating.. I know that song was playing, but its only now, 2 years later, when I'm actually having flashbacks and tangible memories of that day.
The arrival of AF, signalling no baby this month, being at that Church, as well as the song just pushed me over the edge. I burst out crying and walked out of the Church. It took a long time to get myself some composure.
I'm still crying off and on even today.
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