Petition against the female reproductive system - too funny!

A Letter To the Female Reproductive System (herein referred to as “That Unpredictable, Untrustworthy, and Generally Unattractive Mess of Leaky Pipes”):

Friends, Citizens, Countrywomen, it is time to make a stand. For millennia, we have allowed you to control our every thought, action, and pore with your necessary hormones and discriminatory behavior (white pants deserve the same respect as black or brown!).

But now, as we try to use you for your ultimate purpose, we seem to be heading down a dangerous and divisive path.At such a time of hope and fear, you give us nothing concrete. As we meticulously log every twinge and pang, you secretly gloat at our uncertainty, and set out to confuse us even more with vague cramps, loose stools, and bloated bellies that resemble someone in their second trimester, though we just ovulated thirteen days ago.

We hereby protest against the 2 week wait between ovulation and finding out if we're pregnant!

We protest at the contortions, poking, and peeing that you put us through twice a month! We are outraged and ashamed that our bodies would keep secrets and cause us to rely on strips, saliva, and your tricky little sidekick, Cervical Mucus. We call for you to abide by both the spirit and the good intentions we have displayed since the day you first made yourself known to us as The Harbinger of the Witch. We have cared for you, cleaned up after you, and defended you against the devils on our shoulders whispering not to trust a thing you say, do, or secrete.

Our demands are simple:

1) Notification at least three days prior, but no less than one day prior to ovulation, allowing us to stock the necessary decongestants, lubrications, and Viagra if necessary.
2) Clear and unmistakable signs of fertilization. Note: as we are in the 21st century, emails and/or instant or text messages are preferred.
3) A separate notification of implantation. Our bellybuttons serve no use as is, perhaps you can work something out with them for this one.

We do not think this is too much to ask. We receive such cooperation from other organ systems. (Please consult with Urinary Tract with any questions you may have).

Sincerely, The Undersigned

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I'd sign onto this one!!!!!!!