Yesterday was Father's Day. The second Father's Day I've experienced since my dad died in 2005. I had a hard time with it. Not quite as bad as last year's Father's Day, but it was pretty hard nonetheless.
Sunday started out wonderfully, I was at my in-laws, there were 3 fathers in the room, and the happiness and warmth of the family atmosphere was great. Of course I thought a lot about my own father, because my in-laws live just down the street from the house that my family owned during most of the 1970's. That neighbourhood and that street hold a lot of memories. The deck and shed that my dad built is still in the backyard of our old house. I have a hard time being on that street, in that neighbourhood without breaking down.
Just after my dad died, I managed to peek in our old backyard, and walk the old routes in the neighbourhood. I am glad I walked it alone as I broke down at one point and sobbed and sobbed on my old front lawn one night during a huge rainstorm. the next day, I went to the mall where my dad owned two stores, and sat in front of what was our old store (Living Lighting) and shook and cried.
Back to yesterday. On the way back home from Belleville, we had to stop several times to change my daughter. She had a really upset stomach and had to "poopy" several times. During one of the change stops, I sat in the car while my husband changed my daughter's poopy diaper on a picnic table. I flicked on the radio to hear the end of the song "Dust in the Wind" on the radio. Of course that song reminds everyone of major life changes, loss, and that our life on this planet is only so long. Following that song, was "Wild Eyes" by the Stampeders. That one REALLY threw me for a loop. Most 70's songs, but especially Stampeders songs REALLY bring back my childhood. A time when my brother and I would roam freely around the backseat of our 1970's Dodge Dart while my dad blasted down the 401, wind flying in the window, cigarette ashes blowing everywhere (who knew about health and safety issues for kids then??).
My dad was definitely a free spirit. He was a great looking guy with a lot of charisma and energy. In the 1970's I only looked at him with stars in my eyes, he was the coolest dad on the planet, and I was so proud to have been his little "Boomer". The cracks in his personality and mental health had not quite opened up into the years of painful addiction, anxiety and depression that were to come. In my world, in the mid 1970's, all was well. All was perfect.
Happy Father's Day Doots.. wherever you are.
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