Toddler Wrasslin'

Today I am exhausted and sore. I brought my daughter - solo - to a children’s birthday party (for 2 year old). Big mistake. Next time I’m bringing a relief pilot if my husband's not available.

Instead of enjoying a relaxing afternoon with friends, as I used to do before I became a mother instead I spent 3 hours wrestling with my 32 pound, extremely busy, strong and strong-willed daughter.

The event included:

Following my daughter the whole time to prevent her from falling down the stairs. People kept leaving the safety-gate to the basement open to a very long flight of stairs. I did have to catch her at one point, but even me watching her did not stop her from falling down the 2 steps in the front foyer and landing smack on her head on a hard tile floor.

Me pulling her off their Christmas tree and their breakables at least 10 times. How people with 3 kids can put fragile ornaments and other breakables out is beyond me! In my house, I've got everything within her range-of-destruction packed away, taped down or gated off.

At one point I was too exhausted to follow her and 5 minutes later I found her jumping on the bed of the 9 year old (while he was on it) laughing her nutty head off, and another time I found her running around the bedroom of the 5 year old.. jumping on his inflatable soccer-ball-chair.

She sprayed apple juice from an open juice box on the hosts' Christmas figurines. Since there were lots of kids there, there were lots of open juice boxes to grab, chew on and spray all over the place. Everywhere she seemed to go people were mopping up after her. I had to take off after her after each spray and leave the carnage to someone else.

She grabbed a Christmas figurine from under the tree (a large polar bear on skis) and tried to take his ski poles off, they were firmly attached to the figurine. She then tipped the figurine over. The bear was soft/stuffed but the hat, skis and poles were made of plastic. She was just about to give him the WWF-patented-atomic-elbow-drop-crush-tackle until I grabbed her just in time.

She opened cupboard doors, tried to take out dishes and cookware, she opened the bathroom vanity, tried to grab toilet paper, soap, etc.

She tried to serve herself her OWN piece of birthday cake. The older kids were served first, presumably because they could actually sing Happy Birthday and sit at the table unassisted. She saw the cake being eaten by the older kids.. said firmly to me “YUMMY!” and then “ABBY’S” and set off towards the table, with the intent of grabbing some cake of her own. She was rerouted only by the piece of cake coming our way being served by the hostess, otherwise certain disaster would have ensued.

She sat on the birthday boy’s toys thinking they were good benches, flattened the boxes, then proceeded to carry some of his gifts down the hall into his parents’ bedroom.

Why do other peoples kids seem to sit and play together while mine strikes out on her own, investigating every nook and cranny? Why did even the babies at this party seem low maintenance?

Every muscle in my body is sore. I started out the day with a pinched nerve in my neck (you know those where you turn your head to one direction and it burns) and now I can barely move. I’m sitting on a chair with a heating pad in it.

I’m going to a massage at 12:30. Some people may call it a luxury, but I can barely move.

I call it a medical necessity.