Fighting for a week

My husband and I have been FIGHTING almost constantly for seven days. And man am I tired.

My H and I have been through a lot, raised in environments where we've never felt free to be ourselves, to be masters of our own destiny. We've always had to cater to the controlling whims of adults (my father and his mother) who couldn't let us be US. And we're battling it out between ourselves now. Unfortunately, we're too old for this crap now. We have our own child to focus on, someone who needs us to be mature and responsible and able to be there for her. Our fighting just seems stupid and juvenile, some of the things we fight over I can't even believe that we are doing so.

I'm not sure where reality ends and begins and the power struggle begins. I'm so tired and I have other things I would like to focus my energy on, but I can't seem to get to them. I'm either recovering from yet another illness or infection (this time the female "triple crown - digestive, yeast and bladder - all at the same time) and I'm not up to it, or I'm so stressed that I'm not sleeping (and therefore too tired to do anything to improve myself) or just plain old overwhelmed with this fighting, and the demands of work and home.

I am not always the easiest person to get along with, that I know. I have high standards for people. I demand and expect people to continue to grow, to challenge themselves, and only to rest when they're really in need of a rest, and not to sit back on their laurels and coast, but to continually work to improve themselves and the lives of others around them.

Some people have thanked me for it, such as my mother who I really pushed to finish those last few courses so she could graduate from her B.A. in 2001. Others have really been angry with me for it, like those ex-boyfriends who thought I was an unloving, dissatisfied woman. I think my husband is not sure which camp I belong in. Lately I'm sure he's seeing me in the latter. But I'm not sure if its because I really am that way, or if he's too afraid to take the steps he wants to take in order to follow along the path of self improvement, and I'm catching the flak for that anxiety. I'd like to believe that scenario, rather than the one that puts me in the role of a controlling monster.

Am I an energetic optimist, someone who thinks that life can be better if we all put in a little more effort, and am always ready and eager to feel that sense of accomplishment? Or am I really someone who's never satisfied, always demanding, never relenting?